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  • Daniel Holder

Talking to myself

"There is always a part of us that does not want to win, it wants to stay down in the low and familiar"

Ta-Nehisi Coates, The water Dancer


Chelsi reminded me of the line in the book that had attacked me and sent me into convulsive introspection.



What am I afraid of?



You may wonder sometimes why you do not see more of my writing. Whether that thought ever crosses your mind or not, I'm going to tell you why.

I'm afraid!

I always fear that I may write something good, that connects with people, and that makes a point and a change. After I write that, I'd be expected to do it again. What if I can't do it again. People will be disappointed and I'll be recognized as a fraud and an imposter.


So I drown myself in books and voraciously learn everything. I try to do everything. Experience everything at the same time. Sometimes I feel like a kid with a mouth so full of cake that I cannot chew so I just breathe, through my nose. Have you ever done that? Neither have I, that would be silly.


I another post I talk about how I sometimes feel like a slave, and I want to be free. I want to be free to prioritize my spiritual growth and encourage and empower others to do the same. If I can do it, clearly anyone can. But in my quest for freedom Chelsi reminded me of another quote from the book the water dancer.


"Finding freedom is iust the first part, living free is a whole nother."

Ta-Nehisi Coates, The Water Dancer


What will I do when I'm free? I think the heart of my fear is that I don't know how I will survive. And I don't. But I look to the example of two groups of emancipated slaves.


I look at the Biblical Israelite slaves, who miraculously received emancipation from Egypt. They strode into freedom clutching their reparations. We can learn so much from their experience. But whether we believe in God or not, few can deny the impact of this alleged emancipation on life today.


Millions are followers of Christianity and millions more follow Judaism. The prophet Muhammad teaches Islam to follow in the ways of the Abrahamic prophets. These former slaves and their culture and writings still has a huge impact on the world.


The African American slaves burst from the south across the United States, and the world. The whole world has been impacted by everything they have put their hand to. Music, sports, acting, entrepreneurship, investing, ministry, and politics. There are few areas that remain unaffected.


I am pretty certain that if those newly freed men and women would not believe anyone who told them the impact that their children would have. So you probably won't believe me when I tell you the impact that you could have.


Invisible Shackles

The beginning of the problem is that we do not realize that we are enslaved. The shackles that bind us are invisible. As I am in the process of doing something crazy, I am finding that the shackles that bind us are the shackles of fear. We are afraid of what will happen if we break from the norm.


If you are happy, stay happy. There is nothing wrong with normal. But to those who want to break the Norm do not be afraid. Beyond the wilderness of the unknown is a place of promise.


To be honest I've just written this for myself. I need to stop being afraid. Fear should not paralyze me. Whether I call it preparation or not, I'm not moving. If you're reading this, you've either stolen my journal or I've stopped being afraid. Either way, I hope I'm ok.


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